I'm Not Killing Time, Time is Killing Me

Eminent Peasant
Neoteric Classicist
Authentic Hypocrite
Prize-Winning Loser
Earnest Satirist
Capricious Constant
Good Dentist, too.


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Reblogged from totalparksandrec
Reblogged from probablynotinsane
probablynotinsane:

YALL SOMEONE BROKE INTO THE LOUISVILLE ZOO AND LET OUT A GIRAFFE

probablynotinsane:

YALL SOMEONE BROKE INTO THE LOUISVILLE ZOO AND LET OUT A GIRAFFE

(via twofingerswhiskey)

Reblogged from android-15
twofingerswhiskey:

that-big-gay-impala:

if anybody asks what tumblr is im gonna show them this gif

TONY NO

twofingerswhiskey:

that-big-gay-impala:

if anybody asks what tumblr is im gonna show them this gif

TONY NO

(Source: android-15)

Reblogged from tastefullyoffensive

merleawe:

tastefullyoffensive:

[pooter7/happychappie]

i’ve been laughing at this straight for 5 minutes i’m not even kidding.

(via twofingerswhiskey)

Reblogged from timelordgifs

doctorwho:

Series 8 - Deep Breath

(Source: timelordgifs, via rhino-a-go-go)

Reblogged from explainervideo

coelasquid:

sonneillonv:

underhuntressmoon:

voidbat:

explainervideo:

What happens to cats in zero gravity ?   more educational gifs«

OH GOD THOSE POOR BABIES i am sobbing i am laughing so hard

In the last pic the cat is all “oh thank god I found ground NO WAIT COME BACK GROUND”

THOSE POOR BABIES OMG WHY AM I LAUGHING AT THIS

Pigeons are even funnier in zero g, they don’t know which way is up and fly upside down 

(via twofingerswhiskey)

Reblogged from tylerslittleshit

tylerslittleshit:

tylerslittleshit:

english is not my first language and all my life i thought brussel sprouts was the name of some celebrity

everyone is always like “i hate brussel sprouts” and all this time i was here thinking what the fuck did that poor guy do

The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, starring Dylan and Brussel Sprouts.

(via dostbunnies)

Reblogged from elijahkrantz

elijahkrantz:

I found out santa wasnt real because I got a spy kit that christmas so i fingerprinted my mom and matched it to the fingerprints i dusted on the milk mug i left out… Im on that next level shit

(via hungryhellhound)

Reblogged from cartoonpolitics
samaurigro:

cartoonpolitics:

"Homophobia: The fear that another man will treat you like you treat women." ~ (unattributed)

Bless the human who made this post

samaurigro:

cartoonpolitics:

"Homophobia: The fear that another man will treat you like you treat women." ~ (unattributed)

Bless the human who made this post

(via coffeerack)

Reblogged from flairey
flairey:

my officemates and i were arguing about the difference between a mouse and a rat so i googled it
and there we go
the difference is a rat plays jazz

flairey:

my officemates and i were arguing about the difference between a mouse and a rat so i googled it

and there we go

the difference is a rat plays jazz

(via onlyjustastory)

Reblogged from thisblogisnotgovernmentapproved

gay8:

they should hire ugly people like me to be models because then people will pay attention to the clothes rather than faces and i get to say i’m a model

(Source: thisblogisnotgovernmentapproved, via whimsicalspecks)

Reblogged from magicalmatt
Food doesn’t taste better or worse when documented by Instagram. Laughter is as genuine over Skype as it would be sharing a sofa. Pay attention. Take in nature, hold someone’s hand, read a book. But don’t ever apologize for snapping a photo of a sunrise after a hike, or blogging about the excitement of having a crush, or updating your goodreads account. All of these things are good and should be celebrated. Smile at strangers on the sidewalk and like your friends’ selfies. It’s all good for the human spirit. cogitoergoblog on Facebook  (via fawun)

(Source: magicalmatt, via sexualparadox)

Reblogged from nixxie-fic

nixxie-fic:

Whatever mode of transport you use to get there, be it by Train, Flying car, Thestral, Bike, Bus, Broom, or Blow yourself up like a Balloon -

May your journey to Hogwarts this September 1st for the beginning of term, be safe, calm & uneventful.

Unless you’re Harry Potter - and then you’re screwed! (x)

(via just-another-goddamn-paradox)

Reblogged from materiajunkie

materiajunkie:

"Curing AIDS? Shit, that’s like Cadillac making a car that lasts for 50 years. And you know they can do it, but they ain’t going to do nothing that fucking dumb. Shit, they got metal on the Space Shuttle that can go around the Moon and withstand  temperatures of up to 20,000 degrees, you mean to tell me you don’t think they can make an El Dorado with a fuckin’ bumper that don’t fall off?"

- Chris Rock (“Bigger and Blacker”, 1999)

(via mitchellpozo)

Reblogged from slayboybunny

slayboybunny:

everyone who thinks im cute because theyve seen my selfies online have got a nother thing coming tbh lol……………. cameras cannot pick up how beautiful i am in real life

(via lesspatheticwine)